A Theory Of Great Poetic Beauty
by peasblossom13
Summary: A story of Alex, Sayid and their connection. She comes looking for him convinced that he is different from the rest of the 'survivors'. Based on the Tabula Rasa theory. Chapter 5! is up, read on Brootha!
1. Chapter 1

She stood in front of them all; they had taken no time to gather around to observe the scene- an unknown girl crying over even the sound of the waves. She shook. All over. For more reasons than one. There were more of them, and all stronger than her, and she knew much too well what each, even individually, were capable of doing.

But she believed she had what many of them wanted, more likely needed- answers. If only she would stop trembling, she'd be able to tell them. No, not them, _him_.

"Who are you?" Jack was saying. She stood with her arms folded behind her head, knees buckling, shaking her head to form a 'No'. She had been trained to hate and fear these people. "Please. Who are you? Are you…?" He had a gun. It didn't matter whether it was facing toward her or the ground as it was, it was still a gun. She had been trained to fear and hate them as well.

"Don't trust her." A powerful voice called out. "She's one of THEM."

Her she tried to protect her self by getting smaller. She put her arms in front of her face now. "Savages," she mumbled. "Savages."

"Just tell us what. Your. Name. Is!" Jack was demanding.

"We don't GO by names!" she yelled back suddenly. She sense people's reaction to the power in her voice. She paused, unsure if she should go on, then, "We go by _numbers._"

A sharp pain came from behind.

.4.8.15.16.23.42.

Alex woke to Zeke's foot shaking her bunk. "Today's your lucky day!"

She was up in no time. No alarm. No mass amounts of water applied to face in startling motions. No arguing with her elder. Not even any sleep in her eyes.

"You mean to say that he's going to come chasing for him today? And I get to help? Has he come close already? This is early for them, sir."

He paused and blinked at her. "You're a sixteen today."

She stood straight. "That means nothing more than on this day I may be referred to as my original name."

He smiled. "Yes. And you are right about Michael. You will help us out today. As a birthday right of passage… As for now, you are on surveillance duty in oh- one hundred hours." He gave a nod her way and then left the room.

Her smile faded. "Happy birthday to me."

.4.8.15.16.23.42.

She woke up in a start. Sand beneath her, ocean in front of her… Charlie beside her.

He wore his normal black jacket complete with hood shadowing his unshaved face. "Calm down. It's just me. I've been instructed to watch you slumber your little dreams away." His voice was sarcastic, as was his character, but his face said nothing, set as stone.

"Just you? _You're _a bloody rock god!" She quoted him defiantly in the best British accent she could manage. "Just you… _sure_." She internally scorned herself for being so rude, but the man just stared wide- eyed. "I realize you are all scared, but you could have at least let me come back to consciousness in the hatch."

His eyes became wider. "Who _are_ you?" How do you_ know_ these things?"

She sat up, supporting herself by her elbows, so she wasn't so vulnerable, and smiled disgustedly. "You don't know anything, do you? No you don't." She said answering for him. "You're just a crack addicted Brit." And she wasn't here for him.

His jaw protruded forward. "I am not addicted." Alex sensed a hurt tone in his voice.

"Calm down, yourself," she sighed. "I don't even know what crack is. Much less a rock god." She smiled inside. Now she had him thoroughly confused, and conversely to his previous statement, he was saying, "How do you _not_ know these things?"

She stood suddenly, feeling a full head on collision with dizziness and pain in her neck where the blow took place. She looked at Charlie with an expression that could have been a match for his earlier cold one. "I need to see Sayid."


	2. Chapter 2

Alex sat at one of the surveillance computers, bored out of her mind. She wondered why she was even here, sitting, watching empty jungle, when she could be doing her assigned work. She could be doing something beneficial. She fiddled with the buttons on her cargo pants and counted the days until her birthday.

Zeke walked in. "Just coming to check on you. Seen anything yet?"

"I would have told you right away, wouldn't I have? Remeber the Roussau incident? Actually, that one was kind of funny..." She replied.

"You shouldn't laugh at the expense of others... esspecially not her."

"Why not her?"

"... never mind it. "

He stood behind her and watched the surveillance camera computer she was looking over at the current time, then he sat down and started going through some papers.

"Sir," she broke the silence, " Why am I here?"

He stared at her in surprise, and then suppressed a nervous smile. "Have we a need to review the birds and the bees talk again, Number Fifteen?"

She laughed. "No, I mean why am I here looking at blank jungle?"

He looked relieved and shuffled through more papers. "To learn, of course."

"I don't understand what I'm to be learning, sir. I see some of the survivors walking through the frame some of the time. What am I supposed to be learning?"

He set down his papers and stared at her. "Firstly, Fifteen, they are not survivors. Secondly, you are supposed to be learning form these people, Jack, Claire, and the rest. You probably haven't done so because you haven't had enough time to observe on the computers. I am increasing your surveillance duty double. It's about time now, anyhow." She shrunk down as he scribbled something down on one of the papers, indicating her change of duty.

"Yes, sir." She mumbled.

He didn't look up. "If you are going to do or say something, you should do it confidently."

"Yes, sir." She said louder.

"That's better." He got up and walked toward the door. But before opening it, he lowered his voice and said, "You know the rules, Alex. At four you were told your original name. At eight, you started your general teachings. At fifteen you were given duties. At sixteen – who knows what may happen. As much as it pains me to say this, I suggest you refrain from asking to many questions about such things until you become a Sixteen. It's only a few weeks away."

He gave his usual abrupt nod, and then rushed out the door.

.4. 8. 15. 16. 23. 42.

"Not yet." Charlie said. "Hold your knickers up. Jack's going to want to ask you a few questions." He stood and headed towards the jungle.

"I am not going to answer any questions. I don't care about Jack. I-"

"Well, you're just about the only one, then. Listen, lassie. This _lad _has been instructed to bring you to Jack when you wake. You've waked. Now we go to Jack and get our daily pat on the head. Let's go." He began to walk off again.

She stayed. He threw his hands in the air as if to ask, 'what?' "Does Lassie need to be called?"

"Mr. Pace," she began, "I must admit it is easy to be fooled by my seeming innocence and calmness, but I must warn you I have been trained by 'The Others', as you call them, and know many ways to cause pain."

"Ah, one of those, are you? _We _got one of them too. Name's Sayid, I think you've mentioned him before. You know? And if you don't answer _Captain Jack's_ questions, maybe then you two will get a chance to compare technique, eh?"

She paused a moment. Could it be any more perfect? She set out right behind him, pretending to let him lead the way, listening to him mutter things about angsty teenagers.


	3. Chapter 3

"Ahem," She stopped following Charlie. "_Ahem_."

"What?" he spun around.

She smiled. "The Hatch is _that_ way," she whispered and pointed in the right direction.

Charlie checked himself, then cleared his throat. "Er- right!" He nodded, "I knew that."

4.8.15.16.23.42.

Two and a half weeks after Alex was assigned double surveillance computer- camera duty, she sat trying to work with buttons and triggers, attempting to replicate exactly what Zeke had showed her. He stood behind her now, along with several other of the adults, observing her every move.

She hesitated. Was it the execute button next? Or something else? Did she remember the 2 after the 4? She felt pressure and eyes at the back of her neck.

"If you are going to do something, number fifteen," said Zeke, "do it confidently."

She pressed execute.

Walt appeared in the jungle on the screen, and she sighed with relief.

"Good, fifteen. Now wait for them to come --"

"Walt, the boy, he is talking. What is he saying?"

"Do not interrupt, fifteen! Do not talk out of turn."

"I apologize."

"He is talking, and he is wet, because that's how he was when we got the footage for this. He was speaking and had just gotten out of the ocean. We fuzzed out the words, but we could do nothing of the water… Questions, fifteen, ques--"

On the screen appeared a woman and a man who Alex knew to be called Sayid and Shannon. This was the first time she had done a hallucination, much less for anyone on the island to see. She watched tentatively as the elders behind her scrambled to take noted at what was going on.

"Okay. That's enough for one time." Zeke pressed a few buttons and the fake Walt disappeared.

"By the name of Hobbes," Alex muttered. How the two on screen reacted to seeing the boy.

"We got it," Said one of the men. "We've gotten their immediate response, let us go." The men exited, and in the back round Alex heard Zeke whisper quietly, 'Good Job', and she knew he was giving his regular dismissal nod.

The next second, just as the door was closing, Alex heard a shot.

4.8.15.16.23.42 .

She was put in a chair with hands tied behind her back. Jack was crouching down in front of her to be at her level.

She smiled.

"Who are you?" he asked.

She smiled.

"Are you one of The Others?"

She smiled.

He put his hands on his head. "Why wont you answer me?"

… She smiled.

He exploded. "WHAT'S TWO PLUS TWO!"

She laughed.

He exploded some more.

"Jack," Charlie was saying. He had been standing on the sidelines and observing the Hatch. "I think she wants to see Sayid."

"She is a young girl Charlie, I'm not about to torture her to get answers! That's absurd!"

Alex was somewhat surprised, and had to tell herself that she knew better than this.

"No. She said so – she said! Isn't that right girl?" Charlie started shaking her. "Go on! Say! Don't make me look like -- "

"It's okay, Charlie! I believe you!" Jack was saying. "Go get him then. Maybe _he'll_ get some answers from her."

Alex started whistling.

4.8.15.16.23.42.

They were all out of the room. It was only her and the monitor. The girl on screen lay limp, and the other girl held something in out in her hands, looking terrified. And Sayid. Sayid with such a look on his face that showed many things. Things Alex knew she had never felt in her life. He was crying, and Alex began to cry as well. His face showed pain, fear, confusion, and disbelief. Why did Alex never get to fell these things? Obviously the girl laying there had caused this. But why? It was unworldly. There was so much she was seeing that she didn't understand. She felt left out of something that looked so real and so different.

Alex had discovered depression.

Alex's birthday was in seven days.


	4. Chapter 4

(Okay, you know, its cool. Dont review. _I'm _just the author, _I_don't care. But to those of you who are actually taking time to read this, thanks, and please review and tell me what you think so far. I'd greatly appreciate it.)

CHAPTER 3 – TABULA RASA

Charlie made his way up to Sayid, who was alone, sitting on the beach staring at the waves. It wasn't until Charlie got closer that he realized Sayid was, in fact, not so very much alone. The baby Aaron lay in his arms.

"Wha' are you doing?" Proclaimed Charlie, trying and failing to sound casual.

Sayid looked up. "Claire asked me to watch him while she went on her walk. Why? Has The Other waken?" He paused, "because I can kill her, too," he said painfully.

"Erm. Yeah. Wants to talk to you actually. Won't give the time of day to anyone else. I can uh- watch Aaron until you or Claire comes back. Can't have wee ones in front of Others. He'd be gone in an instant… and Claire would never forgive you."

Sayid stared at him. "…Excuse me for saying this Charlie, …but I would sooner trust this baby in my arms with an _Other_… than a baby in your arms _at all._"

4.8.15.16.23.42.

Alex was anxious to get off of her surveillance computer watching shift to go out and help the elders. And, most importantly, to possibly be in the presence of the people on the island that she had been intently watching for so long. The event of seeing Sayid an entire week ago had made an unfathomable impact on her. She became intent on feeling as much and as well as he did, though she didn't know how to make this possible. The hope of receiving answers on her birthday had completely escaped her mind, replaced by the hope that someday, sometime soon, just being near Sayid, or even one of them who were capable of feeling as much as he did and could.

4.8.15.16.23.42.

Sayid had left the baby with Sun, because he, in fact, knew the troubles of bringing a baby into the vicinity of Others, and was not crazy.

He entered the kitchen area of the Hatch, where the Girl was kept. She sat in the chair along the bar just as their last Other had been. Sayid sat in the one across from her, and placed his gun on the bar parallel from them.

She was smiling brightly looking from the gun to him. She tried to contain her evident giddy-ness as she said, " I am not afraid of you. Did you know that? Is not that good to hear? I am really not afraid. Even with that gun there, even though I know what it does, and my hands tied behind me such that I am inc- incapable of moving them. I-I-" She was talking faster and faster, tumbling over her words in excitement. "I am not scared of you! Them maybe, yes, but not you."

"You might, I think," Sayid said calmly, "have a reason to be scared of me _very soon_."

4.8.15.16.23.42.

Alex sat across from Zeke, more than ready to receive instructions on today's business with the run away Michael they were attempting to keep away… or capture. Alex didn't know.

"Alex…" he said, "you are a sixteen today. Congratulations."

"Thank you, sir." And obviously he could not sense her readiness, excitement, or even need to know what was going to happen this evening on her first mission with the other, fascinating, people following along right after Michael, as because he paused for a very long time, leaving her in impatient agony.

Then at last, he looking almost reluctant, placed an object on the floor between them. Alex recognized it to be similar to the one the woman on the computer screen held.

"Do you know what this is, Alex?" she shook her head. "This is called a gun. It kills people." Alex stared at it apprehensively. She remembered what death really was. "Alex, would you ever even - even _slightly_ begin to think of pointing this at someone and killing them?"

Her eyes went wide and she shook her head. With her mouth she formed a '_no_'.

"No answered Zeke for her. "No, I don't think you would… _that _is the difference between _us _and _them_."

She stared in confusion. He continued in response. "They are able to, they allow themselves to do things. _Bad _things. You would never kill anyone. That is because we have brought you up. They, at one point, like you, wouldn't have considered killing anyone. But then something or someone told them different. Be it another person, or a TV show, or-"

"A _what_ show?"

He leaned in close. "A _very_ bad thing. Bad things influence these people, Alex. And make them into bad people…But if one is surrounded by good influences, the one will become a good person. And will never have a need for these… _guns_." He picked it up and put it behind him. "That is what we had to do for you Alex."

"What did you have to do for me?"

"Take you away."

"Away from where?  
"… Your mother." Alex, to her disappointment, felt nothing. "She would have molded you mind. And we didn't want that to happen. We had to get you away when you were young. So _we_ could influence you. Does that make sense?"

She paused. "Sir? You said that they aren't survivors. To not call them that. They survived a plane crash, sir. I should think-"

"No, Alex! They are _not_ survivors. They could not survive in their _real world_. That is why they are here."

"Why are _we_ here?"

He smiled. "Ah, such large questions at such a young age," he chuckled. "We are here to infiltrate the system. To make things right and _good_."

She nodded, unable to tell how much confusion she had obtained during the conversation so far.

Zeke went on, "These are bad people, Alex. Our decisions are what make us who we are, and they have made, and are able to still make, bad decisions. Thus, they are _bad people._ And we are better than them." She nodded.

He stood up, changing the deep subject quite suddenly. "You will follow the rest of us into the jungle. When indicated you will light a torch. You will be given the supplies to do so on the way." And then, also quite suddenly, he handed her the gun. She held it in her hands, unsure of how to hold it and afraid to even touch it. "To be used only when and if needed." Zeke said, and then he left the room, leaving Alex with something she knew was more than capably able, because Alex had seen it with her own eyes, to cause the type of feeling she truly desired.


	5. Chapter 5

"I saw your face when that woman died."

Sayid winced. "You are not, so far, giving me any reason not to kill you."

"Yes! Yes I am! Listen to what I'm saying, please! All of these other people here are bad. I know that now. Except for you."

"Oh yes? Why me? What makes you think you know me so well?"

"Because I saw your pain when the girl died!"

"You do not know her name?"

"We are trained to forget the names of people who have died. It helps us forget them, ultimately helping us forget the pain... But I don't want that any more!"

"How convenient for you all."

"But I saw your pain and I knew that someone who cared so much about someone to show that expression on their face _has_ to be good. Everyone else here- everyone else is bad!"

"No. No, I _am_ bad."

"I don't believe you!"

"I have killed many men! I have seen them die. And I know that I would not hesitate to do the same to you! How can you hear that and still think I am good?" He was standing and shouting now. It didn't affect Alex in the least.

"Well... then I suppose…" She spoke quietly, "it all comes down to what is good," she looked up at him, " …and what is bad."

4.8.15.16.23.42.

Alex zeroed in on the area where she was to light the torch, wishing her job had more value. She was still very anxious to be in close proximity of the people, but knew that they were not what she once thought they were. She was going to have to change her perspective.

She tried imagining that she had not seen the footage of the woman dying and of Sayid crying; erasing what she thought of the man. She attempted to clear her brain of ever seeing or knowing of any of them.

Then, she tried forming new thoughts about how bad Zeke said they were. This proved to not be hard within about five seconds of their appearance.

Jack- demanding, strong and loud. Sawyer was tall and held nothing back from his mouth. Locke was old, and therefore should be wise, but had far too many knives to be so, and conversed as if he knew something no one else did.

But Sayid. He stayed in the back round, willingly gave up his weapons her carried, and, Alex could see very well, still had more than a hint of pain showing on his face left over from the day the woman died. Alex could not fathom the fact that Sayid was a bad person; her brain could just not accept it.

A woman tied was pushed into Alex's hands, and a harsh quiet voice told her to, "give this woman to Zeke when told, got it 16?"

It was just about then she heard, "Alex, the girl!"

Eager to not take too long, yet nervous that she would mess up, Alex quickly and not without stumbles brought the woman to her elder.

She watched as Zeke said a few harsh words, and thrust the hostage across the opening. She watched through the trees and bushes as Sayid and Alex walked back to their camp, leaving her wondering which people were good, and which were, in fact, bad.


End file.
